Table for one, please?
Because of the amount I travel for business, I find myself eating A LOT of meals in restaurants alone. Some people would find this embarrassing or disturbing. I actually kind of love it. It gives me time to think. Generally, I just let my mind wander. Sometimes I come up with themes for my mealtime thoughts. One time, I had dinner at a sports bar in Wilmington, OH and I made a list of my favorite words. Lusty, rumble, omnipotent, predatory, twig, etc, etc, etc. In all, I wrote down 177 words over those buffalo wings. Another day, in Boston, I mentally made a list of all the boys I’ve kissed over the years. I seem to recall that was a particularly lengthy meal.
At dinner tonight, I had every intention of doing some work while I ate. Come up with a to do list, write down all the ways I’m behind at work, something along those lines. I picked up the menu to choose a dish and that’s when I saw it. In bold letters across the top of the chicken section:
BROASTED CHICKEN
Innocent enough, right? But it got me thinking. What is broasted chicken exactly? I had it plenty of times during my childhood, but I’ve never really understood what it is. Why is it different from fried chicken? It tastes an awful lot like fried chicken to me. If you’re going to make something as yummy as fried chicken, why not just make fried chicken? I think I’ve only ever seen it on menus in Chicago. Is it a midwestern thing? Why hasn’t it caught on?
These seemingly innocuous thoughts about chicken led me to think about other things I don’t understand. So I made a list (as I’m wont to do).
Clear Bra Straps – Why? I can still see them. They’re clear, not invisible, people. What’s the point? Aren’t they sweaty? I think what you’re looking for, ladies, is something strapless or at the very least convertible. Someone explain.
The Electoral College – Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ve read the books. I’ve read the countless articles. I’ve had political know-it-alls explain it to me. I still do. not. get. it. I’m a pretty smart girl (if I do say so myself) and it’s absolutely baffling. How is regular guy on the street going to understand? Does it matter? I bet Sarah Palin is just as confused about it as I am, which does not make me feel good about myself.
Violent Rivalry – Admittedly, I’m more of a Cubs fan than White Sox fan. I can’t help it, I love those dumb-asses. However, that does not mean I want the White Sox starting roster to spontaneously drop dead. I’m a Chicago fan. I want all Chicago teams to do well. I want my fellow Chicagoans to be happy. If I can’t be happy for my team, the next best thing is having happy people around me. Why is this so foreign? Is it just jealousy? I’m sure I’m going to get a shitload of flack for this, but nobody has ever been able to justify the anyone-who-isn’t-us-sucks-donkey-balls rationale for me.
PCs – Why do people buy them? I don’t really consider myself one of those weirdly loyal Mac people. It’s just that Macs are so much cooler. Apples ain’t perfect, but they come with better stuff, they hardly ever break down, they look beautiful, and they pretty much do anything a PC does now. Is it all about cost? When all is said and done, are they that much more expensive? I truly don’t know. I bought my current iMac in 2003…which is kind of my point.
Pennies – Aren’t we past the 1¢ coin? Hasn’t it outlived it’s usefulness? No machines take them. The penny candy is long gone. They simply sit around and accumulate in junk drawers. What’s the point? Can’t we round up? Is this a conspiracy by Tennesseans who supply the majority of the zinc that makes up modern pennies? If so, that is CRAFTY. I’m not the only one who thinks this, what is taking so long? Would our economy crash? (oops too late! Can I blame this on Republicans too?)
Yep, all this over some stupid chicken. You should see what happens when I order a cocktail with my meal.
ORD to LAX 