It’s Still Getting Better…

November 16, 2010 by

Back on October 3rd, I shot a video along with 20 some odd other Chicago gays for the It Gets Better Project. The brilliant Dan Savage came in and shot these with the help of Jake Stiger, Justin Skok, Michael Stewart,  and Eileen Dougharty who were all so supportive (and attractive).  After you’ve watched mine, go check out ones by many of our Chicago pals including my hubby at and then check out the main hub with all the hubbub, bub, at

And most important, share these with others an get them into the hands of not only questioning kids, but to all kids so they may help their peers as well.




Thanks to Jamie, I’m a “Carrie”

January 20, 2010 by

So, as you know yesterday was the first Jamie birthday without her, and I was a bit lost. Not sure what to do with my feelings or what they were. But then it all came to a head when I picked up a handful of copies of Nightspots, our local gay glossy on the way home from dinner. There, on page 10, right across from a spread about Adam Lambert visiting Roscoe’s Pub, was my first published article.

I’ve had some super supportive people in my life. Tony Peregrin told me from back in the pre-Facebook days how much he loved my just general emails and that I should work on writing. The first person to ever notice or care. Steven, with whom I do Dancing About Architecture, has also always been convinced I’d do bigger and better than I expected. And of course my man is always there for me no matter what. But most of all, whenever I was feeling down after reading one of her eloquent and witty posts on here, she would always pick up the phone and cheer me on to keep going and write on. She loved my writing for some reason. Even if her posts were always great, I knew I at least had her and the other three angels mentioned as fans, and that kept me typing.

So last night as the visual of the printed page hit my eye, then mind, then heart, then back to my eyes for a cry, it hit me like a bolt that it’s no coincidence that my first published piece would hit stands on January 19th, 2010. It was her. Either pushing me on in memory, or literally in spirit, it was direct and deliberate.  If it wasn’t for you I’d have given up long ago.

We love you and miss you.

__________ Birthday…

January 19, 2010 by

I still don’t think Jamie’s passing has sunk in 100% with me. It’s like there’s a small damn holding back big water. So today being the first birthday of Jamie’s for which she’s not here to celebrate is a dull pain in my heart that I just don’t know what to do with. Sorta like the feeling of being constantly being flicked in the back of your head vs. just getting sucker punched.

So with no clue how I’m supposed to pass the day, here’s a song, our favorite way to express to each other what we want to say. This song has become, in my head, our posthumous song.

My heart is with the Tinnon’s, Scudder, Dordek’s and everyone in her chosen family too.

This Year’s Model: I Wish You’d Met Her

December 19, 2009 by

links to download this 3 CD set are below

I’ve been doing a year end double CD wrap up now for 10 years. Jamie was always my biggest fan and drove me to do this every year even when I was running off 40 copies will full album art, taking 3 weeks to finish. So its only fitting that as I go from CD to uploading digital, I’d post it on me and Jamie’s blog. I know somewhere she’s listening, loving (Kings of Leon, Other Lives, Norwegian Recycling) and questioning (not sure how Lady Gaga was going over with her) but appreciating the effort and letting me know. I will miss many things about my love, but one of the biggest was her mutual love of music.

The photo for the CD cover was taken the night before she left us and we said when we saw it on the LED screen Read the rest of this entry »

To Jamie on Ali’s Birthday

August 18, 2009 by

Hey Jamie,

As you know, today is your little sister’s birthday. I truly believe you are with them right now having a good time as Tinnons and Scudders can’t help but do. And I’m trying not to be sad knowing how much you would want to be there. So I pulled out one of our favorite party songs tonight to make us all feel a little better.

Ali, hope you have a great time! Its been a rough year. You deserve to dance a bit.

sunrise simply red


July 29, 2009 by

This is the kind of stuff I would call Jamie about. Only she would grasp the shear genius and absurdity at the same time. 😦


July 21, 2009 by

Hi guys,

Been trying to come up with the emotional energy to post on this blog without my best girl at my side,  but logging on last night after a few months of avoidance showed that you are still reading and loving our baby. Really warms my heart that everyone who Jamie touched can still come here for memories, and those who didn’t can learn more about her and hopefully bring a smile.

Jamie, Brad and Marc

Jamie, Brad and Marc

Since her passing, her family and friends have all stayed in touch to get us all through this. She would have been so pissed if we all drifted apart without her. We all have plans to get together at Xmas as we always did, plus there’s talk of the us all co-hosting a picnic next year as a Friends of Jamie reunion to remember her and maybe raise money for an as-yet-determined charity. We’ll keep you posted.

And I will try to post on here as I can. Still very hard to come here, but I hope she’s reading the blog along with you. Please keep the comments coming on my posts, but more importantly to Jamie. I know she’s out there.



Jamie, this is for you

May 26, 2009 by


I know you’re out there somewhere, and you’re mad as hell about California’s decision to uphold Prop H8. I wanted my first post to you following your passing on to be something sweet. But I haven’t had the emotional strength to sit down and do it. Now I’m mad. So i’m using this strength today as you’d want me to. To protest something that was one of your biggest causes, the rights for everyone to marry. 

I’ll be hitting the streets at 7pm tonight in Chicago. Anyone reading this today, please make sure you check to see where yours is, California or not. This will not be pretty, I’ll tell you that. 

From Day of Decision

Pro-Gay Activists in Over 100 Cities
To Protest California Court Decision
On Prop 8 Tonight

Tuesday, May 26, 2009 — With the California Supreme Court’s decision minutes ago upholding that state’s anti-gay Proposition 8, pro-gay activists in at least 108 cities have vowed to react with angry protests tonight to denounce they see as the brazen taking away of their equal rights.

While the court’s decision preserved the 18,000 same-sex marriages already performed, the main point of contention, the anti-gay Prop 8, was upheld, and therefore gay activists will respond tonight with protests.

Day of Decision co-founder Robin Tyler and her wife, Diane Olson, were the first and only couple married on June 16, 2008 in Los Angeles County. They married during the months after the California Supreme Court embraced same-sex marriage rights and before Proposition 8 cut off that right. They were the first plaintiffs in the suit which brought about the original court decision and were co-plaintiffs in the suit just decided by the court today.

“Even though our marriage is preserved by today’s decision, we take no joy in the fact that marriage equality for almost everyone else has been removed from our state,” said Tyler. “The upholding of Proposition 8 by the court is a cowardly retreat from the pro-equality stance it took last year, and makes our state a laggard behind pro-equality states like Iowa and most New England states.”

Andy Thayer, Day of Decision’s other co-founder, is also co-founder of the Gay Liberation Network and recently received widespread news coverage for his arrest with 30 others while participating in a Gay Pride protest in Moscow, Russia.

After tonight’s protests Tyler and Thayer see the next step for gay equality to be repeal of the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) signed into law by President Clinton in 1996. DOMA prevents same-sex couples in even the marriage equality states from accessing federal benefits that their heterosexual peers take for granted.

Most critically, DOMA allows non-marriage equality states to directly flout the U.S. Constitution’s “full faith and credit clause” under which contracts made in one state cannot be invalidated in others. Currently states that have, say, higher ages for legal heterosexual marriage are required to observe “underage” marriages performed in other states, but DOMA allows states to flout this same requirement for gay people.

“Many civil rights struggles historically have started with a state-by-state strategy to begin with, but at a certain point they must break out of that localism and take things onto the national stage if they are to be successful,” said Tyler. “By taking on DOMA, the lynchpin of federal anti-gay policy, we will be doing that.”

“The Democrats control both houses of Congress and the Presidency,” said Thayer. “They gave us the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, and now it’s their responsibility to clean up their mess, and we will do all in our power to force them to do so.”

“If President Obama does not repeal DOMA and DontAsk,DontTell, both of which he promised our community while running for President, the only gay Divorce you will see, for those of us who supported him, is the gay community’s divorce from the Democratic Party,” adds Tyler.

A full listing of tonight’s actions in over 100 cities in the U.S. and Canada can be found at

Links for friends

May 14, 2009 by


Our friend Joe asked we post a link to Jamie’s Memories page on Facebook. We’ll be selecting some notes to read this weekend. Please contribute any thoughts, stories, or pics you might have to the wall.

And I’ve posted all the best pics from Jamie’s last days with us. We had a wonderful time.

Thanks to everyone

May 13, 2009 by

Hi Everyone,

As you know by now, our dear Jamie passed away this past Sunday from a blood clot in her leg that travelled to her heart or lungs according to the doctors and pending a full report. I know details have been sketchy but its been very hard for friends and family to discuss publicly and we’re just going on a diagnosis from the doctor.

There’s no way to prepare for a loss of a beautiful 32 year old woman. She was loved by her husband, family, friends and fans of her writing. As a tribute, I’ve decided to keep doing the blog for now as a way to still talk to her as has been the format since day one. I know she’d want me to. I’d encourage everyone to comment with their letters to Jamie as well. I know in my heart, she’ll get the messages.

If you’d like more info on Jamie please go to her tribute page on facebook by searching on Jamie Dyer Dordek. I will also be posting a series of photos of from the day we got to spend together before the tragedy. Those will be on my FB page. There’s a few on the tribute page right now. More to come.

Signing off for now. Will post when I can get this in some perspective.

Jamie, you are loved beyond any comprehension and there’s a hole in our world now which cannot be filled.

Your friend forever,