Archive for January, 2009

Biggest Day Ever!

January 29, 2009

Big thanks to all of you who’ve taken 2 new bloggers with very questionable writing backgrounds under your wings. We had our best day ever today.  Keep reading!
Big kisses from ORD and LAX


What Do You Get When You Combine Sleazy and Sexy?

January 28, 2009



Modern Preppy

When I was younger I really went for the preppy type.  The closer the boys got to a J. Crew ad, the more I found them attractive.  If they wore pink, khaki or any kind of plaid, I was in. Sports with a racquet and/or clubs?  Bonus points.  I was in so deep, Bass buck shoes gave me the vapors.  I dated a guy named Trace for god’s sake. Over the years, though, my tastes have shifted just a bit.  Don’t get me wrong, I still adore tennis whites down at the club, but I have learned to appreciate other types of men too.

Last year I was having a discussion with my sister-in-law, Eileen, about Dane Cook.  I mentioned that I find him very funny.  It helps that I also have a deep appreciation of his penchant for getting completely naked for movie roles.  I don’t know what it is, but there is just something about him that I find attractive.  That’s when she said it:


4 things I don’t want to hear about

January 28, 2009

Hey Jamie,

Why do I always feel like the bitchy one of the 2 of us? Because I am. But listening to one of my favorite TV podcasts today and enduring the 20th minute of “Lost” talk, my mind started to wander/wonder, “does anyone, except Lost fans, really give a shit?”  And the answer is No. So, as my dad once said about at least 2 of these topics, “no one wants to hear about your shit, so keep it to yourself.”

shut up


Favortie Things: Why Aren’t You Watching Damages?

January 21, 2009


Damages_web2_1024x768.jpgDid you ever like something so much that you couldn’t stop talking about it?  So much that you wanted to tell the entire world about it?  Release your love on the interwebs?  That’s how much I love Damages.  Firstly, I can’t believe you don’t watch it.  Secondly, I can’t believe no one else is watching it.  What is wrong with you people?


This Week is Monumental

January 19, 2009


A couple of incredible things are happening this week.

birthday.jpg1) I turn 32. I know everyone has birthdays. Other people need not think today is a special day, but I do. I’m officially kind of old. Yes, I know. Everyone older than me who reads this will say, “32 is not old”. But, you know what? It sort of is.  Here’s why:

I predict that the BABY questions will increase exponentially now.  It seems to me that 32 is the age where people will start to worry about my eggs drying up.  My answer will be basically the same at 32 as it was at 31. Thank you for your concern.  Please mind your own damn business.

The last time I went to visit my dermatologist he sat me down on the table and said, “How old are you?”  I smiled, thinking he was going to compliment me on looking so young for my age, “31, almost 32.”  He smiled back and said, “Well Jamie, when you hit 32, it’s about time to start using eye cream everyday.” It is?  Wait, IT IS?  My genius reply,”I thought eye cream was for old people.” It turns out, it is.


Re: Seven Things About Me

January 17, 2009

Hey Jamie,

Great post. I guess I have no choice but to respond with 7 things you may or may not know about me, Marc edition. Though, I’m betting you know most of this as I knew most of those things about you (except the sock thing!)

1. I tell people I’m allergic to Miracle Whip. miracle-whip1 No, its not mayo, and I love mayo. It’s Miracle Whip. The miracle is the people think this horrid spread enhances food flavor when in reality it could mask the flavor of pig shit.  I’m pretty sure this stuff was created in Satan’s test kitchen. And don’t try to sneak it in on me. I’ll catch it every time. There’s nothing more rude than a deli thinking they can use this spooge to make Tuna or Chicken Salad. I will send it back. 

2. I’m not book smart. Never have been. Never had much interested in structured learning so school was tough for me. I could always manage B’s, some C’s and the occasional A, even though all tests pointed to something greater. Maybe it was undiagnosed ADHD or something, but school never worked for me. Work was always where my attention went. I’d had a job since the age of 11 starting with a paper route up till present day. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m smart. Give me most any job, and I’ll not only figure out how to do it quickly, but figure out how I can be the best at it. Just don’t expect me to take any classes regarding it. 

3. I was a metal head, then goth. So, I wasn’t hardcore about it. I never understood what drag queens call “Living the Look” or walking around in full drag 24-7. It all started with a bit of Scorpions and Def Leppard which were gateways to Iron Maiden, Motorhead, and ‘Priest. rob is gay The finale was seeing Iron Maiden at the Keil for the Somewhere In Time tour and seeing someone do coke (and then vomit) right in front of me. After that, I came out, moved into the city, made college friends and discovered the thinking man’s metal (no, not Queensryche, though I still love them) Goth/Industrial. At the time, all the gay clubs in St. Louis were hot for Belgian techno and Industrial: Thrill Kill Kult, Front 242, Lords of Acid, etc. Which then lead into darker things…Sisters of Mercy, Neubauten, Bauhaus, DCD, etc. I donned allot of black, put on eyeliner, smoked and drank buckets of coffee. But never was able to submerge my personality into the depths of the lifestyle. Why on earth would anyone rebel against the established pop norms only to conform to a different expectation?? I never got that. I lived it best I could, while still being me. I didn’t need a costume. I was pretty good with who I was. 

4. Plants die in my presence. Even though I farmed most of my youth and currently own a farm with my family, I do not have a green thumb. I have a sixth sense with animals, but plants and me don’t get along. Give me a house plant, and I will kill it. Always has been that way. My grandma bought me a cactus when I was a boy, and I had that thing for probably 7 years. And not one day of its life did it not have fungus, or rot, or some sort of ugliness.  I mean, how hard is it to keep a cactus alive?? Currently, we have 4 house plants, all of which have been here for less than 6 months and 2 of them are on life support. I follow all directions, water, sun, temp, etc.  But they wither to my touch. Some folks have the touch, I have the rot. 

5. I didn’t get my driver’s license till almost 18 years old. I was terrified of driving and would have been happy to be like those little old ladies who get shuttled everywhere because they never learned to drive. I was good with that. But after my dad bullied me into learning, I totally got it, but didn’t get over my fear of driving till well into my 18th year. 

6. I have a strange photographic music memory. Maybe its because its my passion, but I can tell you which artist was on what label, had what producer, and odd facts about the highs and lows of their careers. We were in the car on the way back from my mom’s at 11pm last Saturday and to keep me alert Brad would ask me to give a biography of every artist that popped up on my car’s iPod screen. We were listening to my Dance Retro playlist, so I had to give random facts about Technotronic, S’Express, MARRS, Safri Duo and Starsailor. Not easy. The only other person I know with this skill is my friend Adam. I knew I found a kindred music spirit in him when he out did me on The Cure. He can tell you what studio musicians played on what, who wrote which song, etc. It’s a useless talent, but it keeps me sharp. 

marc's prince buttons7. I’m hiding a secret in the basement. I have thousands of dollars in Prince memorablia and I have no idea what to do with it. Buttons, sheet music, Trapper Keepers, 8 tracks, head bands, picture discs, boxed sets, magazines and more. But the most disturbing things are my 8 scrapbooks of prince articles from about 1984-1988. Brad found them recently and was amazed what loving detail I put into them. I was amazed I’d wasted so much time doing them!! If anyone out there has a Prince fetish, I have deals for you! Everything MUST go. 

Need an Apollonia button, Jamie? 



Seven Things About Me

January 14, 2009


Hanging about on twitter, like I do, I got tagged by @joeschmitt to write seven things people don’t know about me.  I tried to think of things that you wouldn’t know too, but you pretty much know everything there is (including some things I wish NO ONE knew), so here’s my best effort to entertain the twitter folks and you.



1.    When I first went away to college I was an art major.  Photography specifically.  Sports photojournalism exactly.  I’m not sure if most of the people who know me would think that made sense.  I suspect some would, because they know I love watching sports, but some wouldn’t because they see me as a really girly girl.  Anyways, whether you get it or not, I thrived on the sidelines.  Think about it, boys and sports, it’s a fantastic match.  I was good at it too.  Fast action photography in natural light has always been my thing.  While at Northern Illinois University, I was a photo editor on the daily paper and traveled with the football team.  I did some awesome work and even won a few awards from different College Press Associations.  I quit for a lot of reasons, but mostly I was sick of the artsy kids thinking I wasn’t angsty enough.  Life is too short.

2.    I despise socks.  Hate them.  I avoid wearing them at all costs.  Even when I lived in the tundra (Chicago), I wouldn’t wear them unless completely necessary.  There were many days where I thought I might lose a toe civil war style, but I made it through.  Now that I’m in LA, I almost never wear them. Which if I’m being honest, is probably one of the reasons I moved here. I barely have more than 3 pairs.  Exceptions: working out, bowling and roller-skating.

3.    I read a lot.  I’ve been a reader since, well, I learned to read.  I cannot ever get enough.   When I was in eighth grade, we got to pick from a set of exploratory (read: blow off) classes to take.  Most of the kids chose painting or music classes.  I picked speed-reading.  It was an extremely unpopular choice among 13 year olds, as you can imagine, but I didn’t care.  I LOVED it.  At the height of training I could read about 650 words per minute with 95% retention rate.  It isn’t record breaking or anything, but a super helpful skill to have.  I’ve slowed down a little in my old age, but if I really get going, I’ve been known to read 5-7 books in a week.  Let’s not even talk about the 45ish magazines and newspapers I typically inhale each month.  I’m very sorry about that Mother Earth.

4.    I hate water chestnuts, melon and olives.  Water chestnuts are garbage.  They make absolutely no sense whatsoever.  Tasteless, obtrusive and disgusting.  Melon I at least kind of understand.  It’s sweet, people like sweet.  I consider it unnecessary filler.  Melons are like the packing noodles of fruit.  Think about it.  It’s the cheapest fruit you can buy.  That’s why it’s pervasive in every single fruit salad on this green earth.  I won’t eat anything that’s even touched melon.  So gross.  Olives make the most sense to me.  I see why people love them.  They’re salty and can have real depth of flavor.  I just happen to think they are also incredibly foul.  Luckily, they are the kind of ingredient that one can simply pick out of an otherwise great meal.

5.    I am horrible at one of the things that gives me the most joy in life:  singing.  I cannot carry a tune, I’m so incredibly bad.  I enjoy it above pretty much all other things.  I love music so much and singing along is a huge part of that experience for me.  Singing with George Michael in the shower, impersonating Elton John in the kitchen while fixing dinner, rocking out to Morrisey in the car.  It’s all just torture for every single person in my path that can hear me.  I’m sorry for that (not really), but I’m never going to stop.

Inside this shirt is one terrific kid!

Inside this shirt is one terrific kid!

6.    I had an amazing childhood.  I am easily irritated with adults that are still harping on how bad their childhoods were and how much it screwed them up.  Perhaps it’s because I simply cannot relate.  Listen, I am a product of a divorce.  My mom and dad split when I was six months old.  I recognize that this could have been very bad.  But it just wasn’t.  I probably have the most awesome mom in the world, and I’m sure it was harder for her than I know, but we just made it work.  We had an awesome support system in my beloved grandparents and extended family, and we had each other.  Then when I was about five my mom met my step-dad again (they actually graduated high school together) and fell in love.  He was the best thing that ever could have happened to us.  He is my dad (forget the “step”) and together they had my brother and sister who are the coolest kids ever.  We have always had a nice home, food to eat, laughter, fun and above all, each other.  Thanks mom!

7.    I’ve been to some really interesting events during my 31 years.  I was at the 1996 Democratic Convention.  I attended the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City.  I’ve been backstage at the Grammy’s.  I’ve gone to the Cannes, Toronto, Chicago, Los Angeles and Sundance film festivals.  I’ve worked on a high profile project for the Oprah show.  I’ve been on set during filming of a major television program.  Marc, you’ve been with me during some of the coolest things.  Remember when we saw Coldplay in a venue that holds less than 1000 people?  One of the coolest rock experiences ever (next to meeting Sting). I swear I’m not bragging, really, I’m not.  I just consider myself incredibly lucky to have had these experiences and cannot wait to see what comes next!

So those are the seven things I could think of.  If you asked me tomorrow, I’m sure they’d be different, if just as weird.


*For those of you who aren’t familiar with the format of my blog, Marc is one of my best friends in Chicago.  We decided to start this blog as a way to talk to each other because I up and left him in the cold to move to Los Angeles.  Our posts are letters to each other about what’s going on in our lives and other really frivolous things.

Multigrain Cheerios have been bothering me

January 13, 2009


You know I love my Cheerios. Really. They’re perfect. But honestly, how many dollars, $1, 5, 10 in order to redub and digitally enhance the British version of the current commercial for the American market?  I mean, ok, its a cute 30 second concept, but it would cost $100 bucks to reshoot it in a US kitchen with American Actors and a $3 Cheerios box. But not only did the dub their voices, but some graphic designer (who obviously inserted digital bikinis into the network TV version of Showgirls) had to get paid when it would have been cheaper just to shoot a remake in a your kitchen on your iPhone. 



American version we’ve all seen. Watch the box and their lips:

Now, the British.

Alright, I’ve got to go. I’m craving cereal.

Tool Academy? Really?

January 12, 2009

Hey Jamie,


So Brad and I are watching a new VH-1 reality show called The Tool Academy. No, its not hosted by Al from Home Improvement and involved tearing out wall board. No. This Tool Academy is a new low in TV, and I love it like we love From Justin To Kelly, with Love. Awful and Awesome. Here’s the tagline:  “These guys think they’re competing in a show to determine Mr Awesome! But they’re tools. Welcome to Tool Academy”! I’m paraphrasing, but its close. 

Host: You guys are NOT Mr. Awesome. You are complete tools. (really. really)




So disappointed in mankind, VH-1, and myself. And I’m good with that. At least its better than Rock of Love 3: Busload of Viruses.

…and I’m Still Here!

January 12, 2009

St Louis as one should see it

Hey Jamie,

“And so I’m back.

From outta space…”

Sorry I’ve been so out of touch lately but after 1.5 weeks of vacation I got a call from Mom at 11pm on a Saturday that Don, her husband of almost 20 years was dying (and passed 36 hours later), so my brother and I spent the next week in St Louis assisting. Don’t want to get into it too much. You know how it is when you go through something traumatic and you end up rehashing the story too many times and you just can’t talk about it anymore? I’m there. 

And also, some things are best left off the blogs. Just wanted to say, I’m back in the blog game. Missed you. More to come.