Listen to Him…He’s Oldish.

by

Marc,

I loved that you came right out and owned your maturity.  Finally.  I’ve been telling you how old you are for years now.

All kidding aside, you were spot on.  The older I get, the more I realize how unimportant most of the crap we worry about is.  Do people like me?  Do they want to hear what I have to say?  Am I cute enough?  Am I desirable enough?  Jesus, Mary and Joseph, a person could go crazy.  So, I say, fuck it.  Do what makes you happy.  Unless pleated pants make you happy.  In that one small case, do what makes me happy.  Everything else is yours.

You were right on about the friendship thing.  Pick your friends because they make you laugh, they get your jokes, they look up to you and you can look up to them.  Who cares what they look like or what social strata they belong to?  If they can make diet coke fly out of your nose or pee your pants a little, they’re keepers in my book.  I used to know this girl, we’ll call her Mandy, she was so beautiful.  Men threw themselves at her.  She had, what I thought at the time, was the most glamorous life.  Clubs, dinners, dancing, boys.  Mandy was a nice enough girl.  I didn’t hate spending time with her or anything, but I followed her in lockstep because I thought she could bring me a better life.  A life filled with clubs, dinners, dancing, boys.  For a while, she did.  What I began to realize really quickly was that clubs suck, dinners with people you don’t like is mind numbing, dancing in 5 inch heels hurts and boys who like girls like Mandy aren’t that fun (or interested in me).  That was the moment I decided to pick my friends on how they made me feel.  Find my chosen family based on actual emotion.  I’ve never looked back.

I loved your advice about embracing yourself too.  We live in a world that is hell-bent on telling us daily about our faults.  I’m over it.  I’m plugging my ears. I’m going to change the things about me that bother me, not everyone else.  That is not to say I’m not vain.  I am.  A lot.  But if people we’re being honest with themselves, they would realize that everyone is, right?  Like you, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that everyone has a market.  Every person does it for at least one other person.  In our cases, we’re really lucky that we found wonderful men that love us and want us.  Not that there aren’t others, of course, but that our men are our market and they’re awesome.  As I said recently, anything less than adoration is unacceptable.  So, I’m owning what I look like and my sexuality.  Some days that might have wide appeal, others maybe not.  Like it, love it, or don’t look.

I would add one more thing to your skin care advice.  Moisturize, exfoliate and use copious amounts of sunscreen.  Nothing ages you faster than sun damage. Trust me, I know, I live in California.

So, thank you for the awesome old man advice.  You’re so wise and balanced.  Oh, and besides a little more gray, you look exactly the same age as when I met you.  You’re as adorable, just as hot, and still one of the best men I’ve ever known.

XO

JD

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3 Responses to “Listen to Him…He’s Oldish.”

  1. mrred Says:

    Love this blog I’ll be back when I have more time.

  2. m000se Says:

    aw, shucks. well as long as I’ve helped one person, that’s cool. we should all listen to the aging homos in our lives. 😉
    have fun on your vacation! see you in a few weeks.

  3. Natalie Bovis-Nelsen Says:

    You will be missed, Jamie. For exactly the kind of sunny personality expressed in this post. I’m happy I got to know you a little. You made an impact on my life – professionally and personally. I know you will be missed by many. xo Natalie

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