Listen to me. I’m old(ish).


Hey Jamie,

I was saving this post for September when I hit the big 4 – 0, but I’ve learned with writing, if you’re feeling it, get it on paper, or whatever this is. 

me...90' i miss it?

me...90' i miss it?

I’ve spent a good chunk of prime thinking time this year consumed with growing older. What it means, how to adjust, and what not being in my 30’s will mean. There’s some good, some not good. But I thought, as someone almost a decade younger than me, you, Andy, my man and all my younger friends might benefit from some things I’ve noticed.


  1. If you’re younger than 28 or so, don’t get too serious about love. Love is great. But your 20’s are for learning about love, so that in your 30’s you spend less time getting serious about guys who are going to end up being majorly flawed. Dating heavily in your 20’s, even some serious dating, hones your skills of detection of the douchebags, but also at 20something, you have NO idea who you really are or for that matter, who’ll you’ll be. The person you are at 20 is NOT the person you’ll be at 30. And by no means am I the same person I was at 30, but the difference lessens every decade. And if I hadn’t spent so damn much time trying to find a husband in the 90’s, I might have had the chance to have some fun and learn more about myself and other. Basically, god gave you that rocking bod that takes little effort so, don’t keep it under a bushel. If he wanted you to settle down early, he’d have made you allot fatter, uglier, and less resilient. 
  2. Work. Out. Now. I worked out in my 20’s, but usually just on Friday nights before the bars, and only when I was single. I relied very heavily on my body’s natural elasticity and the fact that youth is a commodity to get attention. Which, by the way, totally works. But what no one ever told me is that when you hit about 31 or 32 and your college body starts either sliding down your body or becomes thicker, the fact that you weren’t into fitness in your 20’s catches up for you and you have to work twice as hard for half the results. Its like going to the tanning bed prior to the trip to Cabo – you’re puting a base down. You may not want to be a muscle boy in your 20’s. You may like being cute and little and skinny. But trust me, if you start now, you will maintain much better in your 30’s and beyond. 
  3. Love your body and own your sexuality. I don’t think I took my shirt off once in my 20’s. I was skinny, pale, and dorky. I’m pretty sure I went around saying how awful and tragic it was seeing guys out at bars getting drunk, dancing with their shirts off, and having one night stands,  and how shallow and sad they were.  It probably comes from a very very bad relationship in college with someone who was all body, no brains. What no one told me was that those guys who accepted who they were physically had the best time. When you embrace who you are, people are naturally more attracted to you. When you hide your sexuality under a bushel and sit in a corner judging…no ones gonna wanna get with you.  And trust me, that’s no fun. 
  4. Embrace your inner daddy or MILF. We live in a grand golden age of older hotness. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Madonna, Michelle Pfeiffer and even Helen Mirren are still very very doable over 40 and beyond in most cases. I started going gray about 10 years ago. At first I started dying my hair. Black. I think because I was surrounded by gothy types for so many years, I always had that urge. Much like my short lived goatee in ’92 (scroll to the bottom for that piece of history), some things are better left on hotter people. Any, my hair got very damaged and I vowed never to dye again. And then I got grayer. And I liked it. You know why? Cute boys love it! Love. It. That’s when I learned to embrace the daddy within. It worked for Anderson Cooper, and its working for me. I get more attention now than I did in my 2o’s and confidence in who you are, at that point in your life, has a huge amount to do with it.old-af I never want to be that sad old queen dressing in A&F t-shirts one size too small with the Loreal dye job. We know you’re not 25. You’re not fooling anyone…Nicholas Cage. And this theory of embracing who you are doesn’t always apply to age. If you’re heavy, or short, or just don’t like who you were born as, get over it. Someone out there, probably more than just one person, thinks you are hotness upon hotness. Don’t dwell on the hotties who don’t like you, but find the ones who find you just their type. 
  5. Exfoliate and moisturize. While many young boys were using lotion at age 12 for “other” things, I took it very seriously. Grandma always had a bottle of lotion on her kitchen counter so using lotion on my face and hands multiple times of day seemed natural, not girly. It totally WAS girly, but I didn’t realize it at the time. For at least the past 32 years, I’ve lotioned up before bed and after a shower. And my skin has thanked me. I never had skin issues or acne and I recently had a new skin care client of mine tell me my skin is about 10 years younger than most guys my age. Made me smile.
    just scrubbed and slathered

    just scrubbed and slathered

    And don’t forget the exfoliation. Once a month for the past 10 years, all those dead skin spots get the treatment. Feels fantastic. Keeps it youthful. I know I don’t have to tell you, Jamie. You’ve got the skin of an angel trapped in a basement. 

  6. Surround yourself with quality people. Life is too short to waste on pretty friends who bring nothing but cuteness to the table and will eventually try to steal your man. Go with your gut when making friends. It’s probably right. I had 2, count it 2, of my friends who recently admitted they based allot of their friend choices on looks; thinking that if they surrounded themselves with good looking people, hotties will follow. But are either happy? No. They’re miserable, lonely, and kind of bitter. If you want a taste of this life, go hang out at Minibar for the night. Its pretty, and depressing.  I should have to tell anyone but friends are based on who makes you laugh. Someone you can count on always. And someone who will never screw your boyfriend. Not rocket science but needs to be said. I consider my friends to be some of the best any man could have. I’m very very lucky to have met such great people. You’re at the top of the list (with Marty) of course. Hugs.

Had to throw in the tragic only picture of the ’92 goatee…


I don't look good in hats either.

I don't look good in hats either.


4 Responses to “Listen to me. I’m old(ish).”

  1. Joseph Says:

    I really digged’ this!!!!! And, I agree…

  2. Kelly Says:

    I’ve been right about two or three things in life.

    1) The Smiths best album is/was/always will be The Queen Is Dead.

    2) Never buy cheap shoes or get cheap haircuts.

    3) Marc should have never had facial hair. (I hate it on everyone, actually, but it just took away from your damn handsome face.)

    BTW, moisturizing and exfoliation…best tip ever. All eighteen year old need to know the original title of Matthew Sweet’s Girlfriend album…”Beauty Fades.”

  3. Jenna Says:

    Number 1 makes me scared for my current relationship, but your goatee mistake made me forget about that and realize there are obviously worse things that can happen to people. Stay away from goatees! Seriously it’s killing me.

    Around 27 I made the choice to dump the “cool”, good looking kids and really focus on the quality of my friendships. I have been a better person ever since. I love my friends.

    Working out…i love you…why because I am an Athlete. ahha.

  4. Listen to Him…He’s Oldish. « ORD to LAX Says:

    […] loved that you came right out and owned your maturity.  Finally.  I’ve been telling you how old you are for years […]

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