Thank you sir, I had no idea


Hey Jamie,

I’m glad you weren’t with us tonight. You would have gone balistic on a bubba tonight. 

we can bench press a Ford Pickup

we can bench press a Ford Pickup

Not much I haven’t done as a Chicagoan (no comments from the peanut gallery!). I’ve seen it all. Done most everything. Met some of the city’s finest. Basically I’ve drank up this town called Chicago till the only thing I have left to do is have the duck fat fries at Hot Doug’s (I just can’t bear the long lines). But tonight, was a new first that had not crossed my mind. I got called a ‘fucking faggot’. 


Now, I know that pretty much every gay man or woman I know has been harrassed in some form or another from friends who’ve been taunted out front of Roscoe’s, to Brad punching a guy on the street for calling him faggot, to full on gay bashing that landed a friend in NYC in the hospital and almost ruined his life. But I never realized till just tonight, none has been turned at me. 

We were hanging out watching bad sitcoms with a friend of ours tonight. When he went to leave, i have him a peck and hug goodnight out side while I walked the dog, like all good homos in town do. I thought nothing of it. It’s not even a gay thing. It’s a Chicago thing. I’ve kissed pretty much every one of your family of Dordeks and Tinnons (well, maybe not Matt, but he’s asking for it). But just as I did, some bubba in an SUV yelled “Fucking Faggots”, and drove away. 

Not just drove away, but stepped on the gas so fast we just saw his blurred tail-lights a block away. I was completely stunned. I wasn’t even called faggot in High School. Only my good friends have ever called me that, and that’s like me calling you bitch. Which I totally have never, have I? But still. I really wanted that fucker to come back. At first I was startled, but after about 3 seconds, my inner cop came out. I wanted to beat him down. Doesn’t that my vicious dog was in tow. Ya, he can bring it, I’m sure. But I really wanted to mess him up.

In this day and age, how does this still happen in Chicago. Not just Chicago, but in Lakeview. Not just Lakeview, but the mayor actually calls this Boystown. Really. Your cruising Boystown and you’ve got the balls to yell “Fucking Faggots” out the window? I don’t come to Joliet and yell, “You’re impotent from Oxycontin, your wife has the same feathered haircut from middle school 1979, and one of your 5 kids WILL  be a Fucking Faggot, make 5 times more than you, and eventually stand upright”, do I? No, but maybe I’ll start. Joliet residents aside, what scares me is that he probably lives among us. By day, a seaming liberal Chicagoan. By night, a hate spewing bubba.

But, as a Chicagoan, who loves this town like no other, I can stand proud, laugh at his ignorance, and say “Buddy, you’re in the minority, and not only could I kick your ass, but I’ve got 50 gym queens hopped up on testosterone and the new Lady GaGa CD who live within 3 blocks who will GLADLY beat you to a pulp. Don’t fuck with 10% of the US population when of that 10%, 99% have lifetime gym memberships. We will beat you. 

Glad you weren’t there. That would not have been pretty. But, he didn’t, obviously, come back, and I’m homo safe and sound, and thinking of my fellow fags and faggettes in smaller towns, who don’t have an army behind them and haven’t been so lucky. 


PS. What’s with yelling “Fucking Faggots” at us. It’s not like I don’t know. Come up with something creative next time.


12 Responses to “Thank you sir, I had no idea”

  1. emma Says:

    I feel so naive when I hear about things like this happening. My response is always simple and complete shock, outrage, and grief. I don’t know how to change it, or make it stop, because I just DON’T GET WHAT THE FUCK THESE PEOPLE ARE THINKING/FEELING/DOING! Could they please go back to whatever planet they come from and rev their engines there? Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

    I’m so sorry you had to experience this, that anyone has to experience this.

  2. Jo Braun Says:

    Marc – too many people love you to let this one f*cker ruin your day. I’m sending a long distance kiss and you can rest assured that the majority of his days are worse than this one of yours.

  3. Jo Braun Says:

    By the way, I love that you’re all standing under the Out sign. Very funny stuff.

  4. Kate Says:

    oh ick! I mean honestly?!

    You know he screeched off because he knew you would beat the snot out of him. coward.

  5. Joel Says:

    I like your PS. I agree that if he was going to be an ass, he could have at least been a funny and creative ass.

  6. Janet Says:

    Marc I have to say you have brought much humor to such an ugly situation. This guy was just one of the numerous ignorant asses in the world. I am sure he wasn’t a liberal Chicagoan probably just a good Joliet Christian.

    PS..I can’t shake the image of the buff 50 gym guys beating up this ignorant idiot with Lady GaGa playing in the background…priceless.

  7. Derek Giromini Says:

    It’s easy for me to say, “Try your best to brush it off and move on,” but I don’t walk in your shoes. The closest I can relate to this is being mercilessly teased about my weight or appearance, and even that’s not coming close. I can change my weight and — by correlation — my appearance.

    This post seems to be a step in finding a way to channel and dissipate the rage from that moment. Find as many constructive ways as you can to keep doing this.

  8. Greg Says:

    I’m not sure on this one, Marc. You might just be a bit egocentric on this one. How do you know he was yelling at you and your friend? Maybe he just drove over a big bundle of wood in the road. See…I think that is the case.

    He was in a truck, as you say. So the big bundle of wood, or fagot as they are sometimes called, would not actually stop the truck from driving over it. But the “fagot” would have been big enough to make the ride uncomfortable. See…he hit his head on the roof of the truck. THAT is when he yelled, “fucking fagot”. It is just mere coincidence that you happened to be saying goodbye to your friend at the very same time. Life is weird, isn’t it??

  9. m000se Says:

    Greg, if you weren’t my mentally disabled step brother, I’d smack you. But since you bowl like Obama, I’ll let is slide this time.

  10. Michael Lehet Says:

    At least come up with something creative instead of using a tired old saying.

    I’ve been called Faggot in public and more so online, especially on my YouTube videos – by kids – at which my reply is typically something along the line of “Oh thanks for telling me, I had no idea why I liked to suck cock. I thought it was just a phase I was going through.”

    It’s amazing when even the most stupid can point out the obvious!

  11. Adam Says:

    moose, dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix daddy another martini.

    Actually, I’m gonna hafta go ahead and agree with Gregory on this one. Unless he did see you and your friend on the street and was, in turn, encouraging you to have sexual intercourse… He probably has never seen two men kiss and got it confused… those simple, silly, Joliet boys! On more than a few occasions, I’ve cruised thru B-town in my suped-up SUV to overcompensate for my small penis and have screamed at random guys to f*ck in the street, it’d be hot!

    Hope you’re having a great week!


  12. Joseph Cosentino Says:

    I am just enjoying all of your BLOG!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: