I Might Be Weird.



img_0814My dogs are the weirdest creatures around. Between Imogene’s tongue and Gertie’s pirouettes, I’ve never seen anything quite like it. But forget our dogs.  You and I are weird.  You have a storage locker full of Prince memorabilia.  I spent 4 hours on the internet recently looking for a free download of a Matt Bianco album from the 80’s that I once had on vinyl.  When it comes to weird, we’re certifiable.  I love that about us.  You and I have never been the type people who need to fit into society’s idea of normalcy.  I mean Jesus, some of the things we laugh about?  Not normal at all.

That got me thinking (yes again) about what normal means.  So I looked it up:

normal |ˈnôrməl|adjective
1 conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected
2 (of a person) free from physical or mental disorders.

What standards do we conform to?  Girl, you see the way people dress in the midwest.  We have never conformed to that standard.  I met a wonderful man and got married.  That’s a “normal” thing to do, right?  As a couple, however, I don’t think Andrew and I are normal at all.  Everyone knows this, but when I met him, he had a basket of popcorn on his head as a hat.  That is decidedly not normal. Even now, we have wacky schedules that dictate our lives.  Which means when we are both available, we like to spend every waking moment together. No, we like to.  And we love each other madly, even after eight years of being together. I think he’s the best person on earth (present company excluded, of course).  Is that average?  I can’t think that with the divorce rate in this country teetering past 50% that we’re average.  I like to think our marriage is way above average.  So is the sex.  Which probably makes us weird.  Oh and we also make up and sing songs to our dogs.  What?  WHAT?  I just said we were weird.

The Gertie Song

Marc, I know for a fact that you’re not “typical”.  You’re not.  You’re amazing.  You have a music encyclopedia for a brain.  I used to waste my time trying to keep up.  Now, I just use you as a resource.  Like my own music librarian.  What about your relationship with Brad?  Not typical.  Awesome and lovely, but I don’t think there’s anything typical about it.  You’re great partners for each other because you have the ability to let one another be individuals.  That is NOT typical, especially in what I’ve seen of gay relationships.  Something about you all being the same gender.  You turn into carbon copies of each other as soon as you start having sex.  Peter?  Mike?  You guys liked different things before you met, why can’t you now?  At least breeders have different parts so they can never really be the same and similar haircuts are usually out.  I love that you and Brad do have separate interests and you don’t have to pretend to love everything he does.  And Brad’s so sweet. You’re kind, but a little edgier.  It’s a match made in my atypical idea of heaven (if I believed in heaven).

The real reason I know we’re not normal?  Neither one of us does anything that’s expected. EVER.  We’re like surprise-life-decision ninjas.  You think Jamie’s gonna zig, she zags!  You want to pin Marc down?  Foiled!  He rolled.  I will never forget the day you called to tell me about breaking up with your boyfriend of over 5 years.

“You what?”
“I broke up with him.”
“I wasn’t happy.”
“I know, but whoa.”
“I’ve made my mind up.”
“I’m moving on.”
“I’m very happy for you…I think?”

Despite my love for your ex, it turned out to be the best decision you’ve ever made (besides talking to me on my first day at Borders).  I’ve seen you blossom and really come into your own since that unexpected day.  You’ve switched careers.  You’ve found a great partner.  You’re a blogger now. You’re happy!

What about my decision to leave Chicago at 28 and move 2000 miles to Los Angeles?  I had considered it for years, but to the outside world, I’m sure I seemed like a total crazy person with that little surprise. People would ask me all the time how I could leave the only place I’ve ever known as home.  I’m not sure that my answer was satisfactory to most, but I had the need to experience something else.  I needed a new point of view, even though it hurt to leave friends and family, I need to embrace the unexpected.  Probably because I’m not normal.

Suddenly Goose laying down in the backseat and Gertie acting like a Whirling Dervish doesn’t seem so kooky, does it?  It’s cause you and I are batshit.



P.S. I’m not sure I’m qualified to dispute our conformance to part 2 of the definition, but I’m leaning towards…no.


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2 Responses to “I Might Be Weird.”

  1. wonker Says:

    Interesting blog, I’ll try and spread the word.

  2. David Says:

    What I love about you both, after 12 years, is that its because you are not normal in any sense of the word. You both trip to your own tunes, and you take people with you. The normal ones, I guess. And we are blessed because of it.

    And bless the heart of you adorable husband Andrew. If every straight man had the same logical sense as he has, we never have to worry about this homophobia.

    So, I guess, he’s not “normal”, either. Kinda like that.


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