Tis’ The Season To Be…Crabby

by

Marc,

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Crabby Jamie Christmas

I think I should be in a better mood than I am.  The holidays are coming!  I get to go home and see my family, who I adore.  I am going to get to spend some quality time with you, Brad and my other friends.  I can’t wait to see all my nieces and nephews and how much they’ve grown since the summer.  Plus, I get presents!  Who doesn’t like presents?  Yet, I’m still sort of living up to my family’s affectionate (or not) nickname for me: Crabby Jamie.  C.J.  Really cute, I know.

I thought maybe the mall could help lift the funk.  Last weekend I was looking for something to wear and I needed to do that somewhere that wasn’t my closet.  So I headed out to the mall. Even though malls are insane this time of year and most people wouldn’t be caught dead, the craziness can’t deter my love of shopping.  As a matter of fact, it almost amplifies the thrill of the hunt. At holiday time it’s pretty much turned into a big deal safari.

(In the whispery, Austrailian Discovery Channel Narrator Voice)

“Look there, beyond the Martha Stewart Dutch Ovens.”

“Is that?–No, it couldn’t be.–It is!”

“It’s the rare Egyptian Cotton 1000-thread count sheet sets at a price one has never seen before, $69.99!”

“Surely there won’t be any usable colors left in the pack.  Let us get a closer look.”

(Army crawl behind the bath sheet display)

“Now that we’re crouched in a remote corner of Macy’s perhaps we can make out the different members of the pack.”

“Look there!  Is that a usable color?”

“Is that a white set surrounded by all the teal and burnt orange breeds?  Are they feasting on it’s apparent weakness and stain potential?”

“We must capture it!”

(Lunge for the pack of wild sheet sets.  Knock over display.)

Even with all that excitement, I didn’t end up getting the sheet set.  It turned out it was of the Papua New Guinea pygmy variety:  twin size.

No sheets.  Nothing new to wear.  Still grumpy.  What gives?  I think my body might be anticipating the cold already.  It’s the only thing I can think of.  I hated it when I lived there, but now I’ve actually acclimated to a warm climate, cold makes me even more miserable.  Sure, snow is really beautiful to look at on Christmas.  IF it’s the new white fluffy untrampled variety, but when do we get that in Chicago?  We’re usually cursed with the brownish gray wet, wet, wet slushy kind.  If that was all, I think I could live with it.  But, no.  It will be 900 degrees below zero.  Wet feet suck, but they don’t suck as bad as freezing cheeks, ears and hands.  They NEVER get warm while I’m there.  I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio in the final scenes of Titanic every time I walk out the door, except without the huge blue diamond to live for.  So yes, it seems I’m grumpy about the weather in a place I no longer live that I only have to visit in the winter once a year and my trip is still two weeks away.

Bah Humbug.

You know the only thing that will make it better?  When I get there and I get to see my family, who I adore.  Spending quality time with you and Brad.  Seeing my nieces and nephews.  Oh…and the presents.

XO

Jamie

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3 Responses to “Tis’ The Season To Be…Crabby”

  1. m000se Says:

    how long has this funk been going on?? go make out with Andy. that always makes me feel better. xoxo

  2. Jamie Says:

    You make out with Andy to make yourself feel better? I wonder how Andy feels about it?

  3. Kelli S Says:

    Great post Jaime! I can totally relate to your dislike of cold appendages, nothing makes me bah-hum bug more than that. But the shopping…I’m digging my heels in too, maybe it’s the cusp of the new anti-consumerism movement!

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