…And Now My Fake Friends…


Hi Jamie,

Good plan, and can I hang out with you and your fake friends? I’ll bring mine along and we’ll have a tea party.

Based on basic needs, here’s some fake friends that cover my core values:

1. Food: Nigella Lawson has it all: she’s rich, gorgeous, British and she licks her fingers so sexily, it makes gay guys question things. I hosted her ages ago at Borders Michigan Avenue and found her just as mesmorizing in person as she is on TV. And she’s one curvy lady. Beans and rice (on toast) didn’t miss her!

2. Music: Ann Magnuson got her start as the lead singer of Bongwater back in the 80’s. They were a psych folk duo from the lower East side of NYC who wrote hilarious skewering looks at pop culture and posers and destroyed classics by Led Zepplin, Moody Blues and The Weavers until they were begging for mercy. If you EVER have the chance, give them a listen.

After they broke up for “artist differences” (her bandmate Kramer is a douchebag) she moved on to acting in the Jamie Leigh Curtis Show Anything But Love, and movies like Making Mr Right, Clear and Present Danger, Panic Room and of course, Glitter! Most recently, she put out her second CD Pretty Songs and Ugly Stories. http://annmagnuson.com/index.html

She’s campy and talented and folks like Margaret Cho, Julie Brown and The Dresden Dolls would be nothing without her.

3. Humor: Dave Holmes is best known as the guy that came in 2nd on MTV’s I Wanna Be a VJ to that awful Jesse Camp, who was let go after a short term, while Dave continued on to host 3 of their shows.  I never understood why I’ve never crossed paths with him. We’re both from St Louis, exact same age, and he’s a big ‘mo. In fact, he is still one of the only TV personalities I can think of who actually didn’t wait for fame to come out.  Bravo, Dave! I’d probably have put him down as Fake Husband, but he lives in LA and, oh, I forgot, we both are taken. Oh well.

Check out his site to see what he’s up to. http://web.mac.com/davedotcom/davesite/Home.html. He’s still doing allot while Jesse Camp, I can only guess, is sucking for crack.

4. Fashion: Tom Ford. I don’t think I’d like him, but I’d pretend to just so I could stare at him all day.

Yes, I'll sit on it.

Yes, I

C’mon! You know we’ve all had times where we meet folks and want to hang out with them just because they’re handsome, rich and have a posse of dumb West Hollywood hotties in tow. Well, this is mine. I have enough legit, dear friends. This ones completely superficial.


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One Response to “…And Now My Fake Friends…”

  1. Jamie Says:

    Ahhh Nigella. I can’t be imaginary friends with her because she’s female, but I do love her. I CANNOT believe I didn’t think of Tom Ford. I would be “real” fake friends with him. Can you imagine the kind of shit you would hear?

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